To be honest I never ever really had a thing for JT - but he's really grown on me over the years. Truthfully it probably started here (ridiculous).
Anyways - so I'm pregnant! Is it weird that this still blows my mind - like every single day? I wake and try to get out of bed - and then remember "Oh yeah man, I'm effin' pregnant!" I don't know when it becomes real - probably for me it won't be until I am in labour. And freaking out because I am about to become someones mom. Don't get me wrong - I am excited. Or am I anxious? Well I am feeling a bunch of things. I read other blogs of first time mom's getting ready and prepared - and they are all overcome with joy, love and excitement. Why don't I feel like that? Why can't I express that? I am joyful. I do feel a connection to the human growing inside me. And there are moments when I feel super excited. But really - do I feel this all the time, often even? The answer is no. Truthfully - I feel unsure.
I never expected that. I am sad to leave my job - but also excited for some time away. I am nervous to leave my job - the career I have spent the last five years building. How do you ever get that back? What happens if I lose my passion? My drive? My ambition? Everyone tells me my feelings will change once I have a child - but right now - I have no idea what that means. And that scares me.
But then every now and then - I am surprised by a kick, a jab, a thought or even images like this - and I shrug my shoulders and know that I am ready for this next milestone in my life. Because it all will be worth these awkward transition emotions in the end, right?
|B-Ho sucking 'her' thumb at 25 weeks. The ultrasound technician believes she's 75% girl - but there were definitely no boy parts that I could see.|